Would I lie to you?

I'm a pretty open person. I've never had a personal thought I haven't felt the need to share with someone. I will tell you about all the dumb or mean things I've done. I will tell you about the time I nearly pooped in public. I have no shame nor privacy.

Tomorrow, I am going to have to test that.

In attempting to broaden my career, I have applied for a job that requires more screening than the CIA and all the airports in the world. It seems to be a thousand step process and I am enjoying them all so far. I do appreciate they do not want bad people working for them and I have no problem submitting to all their questions and things.

So, when I answered the 31 page questionnaire asking about all the bad, dumb, illegal, and/or immoral things I'd ever done, I thought "I can do this! I tell people this without them even asking!"

I did not do this graffiti.

And so tomorrow, I will be hooked up to a polygraph and I will share my deepest secrets with a stranger. For 6 hours.

Now, you think you're an open person until you start thinking for weeks about the questions they asked and how you will have to admit to the bad and/or illegal things you have ever done all while being judged if they are too bad for you to work with the public.

I will have to look a complete stranger in the eye and talk about the time I stole a pad of paper when I was 17. Not to mention other things I do not plan to mention on this site or anywhere else because I didn't know it was bad and it's super embarrassing that it was bad and I will have to tell this stranger all about it.  Awesome.

I expect I will be mortified throughout the entire process and will never share anything with anyone again. I think the only one who will be relieved by that will be The Guy.