Monday, September 16, 2013

Would I lie to you?

I'm a pretty open person. I've never had a personal thought I haven't felt the need to share with someone. I will tell you about all the dumb or mean things I've done. I will tell you about the time I nearly pooped in public. I have no shame nor privacy.

Tomorrow, I am going to have to test that.

In attempting to broaden my career, I have applied for a job that requires more screening than the CIA and all the airports in the world. It seems to be a thousand step process and I am enjoying them all so far. I do appreciate they do not want bad people working for them and I have no problem submitting to all their questions and things.

So, when I answered the 31 page questionnaire asking about all the bad, dumb, illegal, and/or immoral things I'd ever done, I thought "I can do this! I tell people this without them even asking!"

124 Havana - graffiti - B crop
I did not do this graffiti.
And so tomorrow, I will be hooked up to a polygraph and I will share my deepest secrets with a stranger. For 6 hours.

Now, you think you're an open person until you start thinking for weeks about the questions they asked and how you will have to admit to the bad and/or illegal things you have ever done all while being judged if they are too bad for you to work with the public.

I will have to look a complete stranger in the eye and talk about the time I stole a pad of paper when I was 17. Not to mention other things I do not plan to mention on this site or anywhere else because I didn't know it was bad and it's super embarrassing that it was bad and I will have to tell this stranger all about it.  Awesome.

I expect I will be mortified throughout the entire process and will never share anything with anyone again. I think the only one who will be relieved by that will be The Guy.

24 comments:

  1. Security screenings are such a pleasure. Have fun!

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    1. i've only got a few steps left! Here's to not being too crazy or too criminal!!

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  2. Yikes - that sounds like hell to me. Plus,I'd be there for 45 hours going through every bad/stupid thing I ever did. Hope it goes well for you and you get this job!!

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    1. Believe me, Anna, I am NOT looking forward to sharing some of the things I've done. Ugh. Maybe this is how judgement day is going to feel like! ;)

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  3. WOW. Really? I am both impressed with how willing you are to be an open book and shocked at how much you have already invested in getting your job and that you still have to do a polygraph test. WOW.

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    1. I think my husband wishes I wasn't so open bc it means HE has less secrets too. But, I can't help it. I love to talk about myself. Hm... that sounds terrible!!!

      I am really excited about this job and really interested in the screening process. It's fascinating. Tomorrow might change my mind though!!

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  4. I still think you would have to make things up to save anything to admit to. your priest would sleep through your confessions.

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    1. That is why you're my dad. You have to believe I'm innocent. Mind you, I am pretty boring. But still!!

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  5. A polygraph test?! Oh my dawg, that sounds like a heck of a screening for a job.
    Keep calm, you know you got this... even if you have to confess some of your deepest, darkest, most hilarious secrets.
    Good luck, can't wait to hear your detailed description of what it feels like to be strapped to a lie-detector.
    p.s: I really enjoy your comments on our blog. it makes my day.

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    1. Thanks, T! I have really enjoyed your blog! It's good to know someone shares my love of bad movies!! (Dang it, me and my exclamation points) Once I have the results, I will let you guys know how it went. For now all I can say is 7+hours. OUCH.

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  6. A polygraph, wowzers! What kind of job are you applying for? NVM, don't answer that, anything you say here may and will be used against you, oh boy... good-luck! ;)

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    1. Laurie, if I told you, I would have to kill you. ;)

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  7. Whoa. Well, I only stole something like once. Unless you count all the tampax I took from under my mother's vanity. But, a polygraph would make me so nervous it would look like I was a professional bank robber.

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    1. Believe me, Mara, this guy could have made Mother Theresa admit she was a coke head.

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  8. Wow girl, this sounds scary but Im sure it will be fine. Good luck

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  9. I'm sure you did good on your polygraph and now you can relax (with a glass of wine perhaps??)

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    1. I hope it went okay. I will know next week. Then I will fill you all in!

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    1. Believe me! I couldn't have either.

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  11. Good luck girl!! I don't envy you... please let us know what it was like!! I am very curious!

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    1. Thanks so much, Cynthia. It was bizarre. I will blog it next week, I promise!

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  12. Does not sound like fun AT ALL! Good for you for keeping your sense of humour. Good luck!

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    1. Dani, it was exhausting. I swear I would have failed just because I was so tired by the end!

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