Top 3 time periods I wish I'd lived

The other night while at supper with a friend, we were chatting about times in history and how women lived and worked.  I asked the question: if you could choose any other time in history to live, what would you choose? 

Apparently, most grown women do not often contemplate questions like these! Fortunately, she was a good sport despite thinking I'm a bit nuts.

Being that we're friends, she should know that.

In an effort to share all my thoughts with the public, I thought I would share my top 3 times/places in history I wish I had lived.


The American Wild West

picture via

I grew up on Louis L'Amour books and John Wayne movies. I was impressed with the attitude all the women of the time possessed and I wanted to be the tough, but loveable single woman who ran her own ranch or brothel (depending on how sassy I'm feeling). I wanted to be the woman who pretended to be a man and proved she could shoot, ride, etc. as well as a man only to reveal her identity and convince everyone that gender stereotypes were wrong.

In all actuality, I would be the hard and angry woman with 14 children, a husband she doesn't respect, who one day goes out to cut fire wood because the lazy so-and-so didn't who would accidentally lodge the ax in her own leg and die instantly.

I shouldn't kid myself.

Aside: please look at my role model, Annie Oakley, whom I once believed to be the epitome of beautiful and capable woman. She actually looks like the opposite of what I envisioned -- a man, dressed as a woman, complete with her (his) own moustache.


Spy in World War II

Women were widely used in WW2 for missions and roles they had not been in the past. The SOE employed many women who were trained in combat (weapons and hand-to-hand) who were invaluable to the war efforts.

I was (and am) in awe of these women.

Odette Sansom (pic via)

Violette Szabo (pic via)

If I were alive in this time, I would want to be the women who fought in public (and in secret) for the good of her country. I am lost in the romance and ghoulishness of the strength these woman would have had to possess to do what they needed to do.

Again, if it were real life, I would have been a factory worker of thousands putting rivets into things all day. No less important, but exceedingly less exciting.


The Future: Deep Space

Firefly badass Zoe (pic via)

Yes, I know, the future hasn't happened yet and we can't guarantee there will be space ships and space travel and awesome fights against human looking cylons, but if there is? I want to be there.

I realize I am a big big nerd. I'm comfortable with that and you should be too.

I want to be Zoe. I want to be the tough chick on the ship guarding her people while her gentle and wise cracking husband pilots and hides when trouble comes.

In all reality, I will move to the moon, forget to put my helmet on, and die instantly from lack of oxygen.

No Memory: Chapter 3

Chapter 1: Meet the woman who came to consciousness and remembers nothing of her life.
Chapter 2: Karen discovers who she is and how much not remembering can hurt those around her

Chapter 3:

I'm now in charge of the bedtime routine.

Steven thought it would be good for me -- to do the things I did before. We both want things to be as normal for Julianna as it can be, so bedtime was a natural place to start.

The first few days I had to be helped.

Julianna had to show me where she kept her pajamas and which drawer held her toothbrush.  She patiently led me to her room to show me where she slept and where I would sit to read her a story.

She has stopped looking at me with the hurt and confusion from the first few days and has now moved to looks of pity and resolve.  I'm not sure if pity from a 5 year old is something I'm happy about, but it has been a little less painful for me.

She is still a daily reminder that I am not whole.

It is getting easier to be me. Easier to be in this house, but it still seems not quite right. I'm not quite right.

The other day, I was able to find something in the kitchen without being told where it was. Steven's face lit up like it was Christmas morning. He is sure it is a matter of time before I start to remember something, but I'm not so sure. I just thought about what I wanted to find and where it would make the most sense to find it.

My deductive reasoning has fooled Steven a few times now.

Steven has returned to work a few hours a day. While Julianna is at kindergarten, he goes to work. When she is home, he is home. I don't blame him for being careful. I am aware of the uncertainty of my mental health. If we don't know what has caused it, we don't know what would make it worse. Or, for that matter, what could make it better.

There has to be something to make it better. I don't know how long I can go just waiting to see if there is a change.

I'm bored.

Everyone seems to be getting on with their lives. Steven's parents have gone home. The visitors and well-wishers (let's be honest, the looky-lous) have stopped dropping by. The doctors visits are less and the days keep going on. Even Julianna is going to school and having play dates.

I sit and wait to remember.

I had a job, I know. I was an accountant for a small firm. I can't do my job now, so I am on extended leave. I am told my job will be there when I am ready to return. However, this is said with the gentle assurance of someone not ready to break bad news just yet.

I am frustrated with this woman I am now even though I can't remember the one I was. I am frustrated at the lack of action this woman takes. I feel the need to do something - anything! - but have nothing to do to take off the edge.

I think the woman I was would greatly dislike the woman I am right now.

I'm not too fond of her either.

Next up:
Chapter 4
Karen and Steven return to the grocery store to aid in her memory return.

My love affair with books and discovering Jane Eyre: Fiction Friday

Books to the ceiling,
Books to the sky,
My pile of books is a mile high.
How I love them! How I need them!
I'll have a long beard by the time I read them.
                                                    Arnold Lobel

My family has always had a thing about books.  Our home was a veritable library.  Each room had a collection larger than the room before it.  Books were accumulated, treated as collectibles, acquired as trophies.  Books were revered, respected, and amassed in large quantities.

Growing up before computers were common in every home and before every answer was just a Google search away, we had a library of knowledge at our fingertips.  Assignments were not completed at the school library, they were completed by standing in front of the living room bookshelves.  Each bookshelf had lines of history books, art books, biographies, and the occasional Pierre Berton thrown in.

Each one of us developed our own personal library early on.  Small shelves were erected and quickly filled with treasured copies of Little House on the Prairie, Anne of Green Gables, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, and old westerns.  There were books to be handled carefully and then there were books to be devoured.  Favourite books were dog eared, spine bent, and tattered.  They showed physical memories of each read - tear splotched obscured words, book jackets curved with handling, pages soft with the oils of many hands.

Books have remained a staple for each of us.  Walls are lined with copies of everything from early edition classic novels to crisp new books ready to be perused.  Each sibling has created a collection speaking to their own individuality --some books are present in each collection, while others are miles apart in kind, topic, and intellect.  All are dearly loved and rarely parted with.  Those of us with spouses have heard the lament of too many books (as if there were a such thing!) and fought for space and exhibition.

via Amazon

When I was about 10 years old, a friend gave me a beautiful, gilded copy of Jane Eyre.  The friend was well above the normal intellect and most of us in her circle read books well beyond our assigned grades.  This book was special.  It was hardcover bound in leather, with a beautiful picture of a girl (presumably Jane) on it's cover.  The pages were edged with gold and were made of a thin material that felt as though it would tear with any touch.

I placed the book reverently on a shelf and left it there.  I would often take it in my hands, feel the raised leather with my fingertips, and gaze at the picture.  I would then place it back on the shelf.  I never read it.  The book was too pretty to treat as I did the other books I loved.  Books that are now coming apart at the seams having been read at least a hundred times.  This book has sat on my shelf in one room or another, moved from house to house and never been read.

Finally, as an adult, I decided to read it.  I tend to be hesitant to read anything labelled "a classic piece of literature".  It stems from both laziness and refusal to do what others tell me to do.  However, each time I have read a classic they quickly become one of my favourites.  I looked at the beautiful book on my shelf and hesitated.  It was then I went out and purchased a second copy - soft cover with no elaborate picture or decoration.   I am well into the book now and love it.  I'm a little put off by the Bronte love of run on sentences, however, the characters and the story make me wish I had read it years ago.

Someday, I will pass on my beautiful copy of Jane Eyre.  I will help some little girl put it on her shelf.  And then, I will take her to the store to get a copy she can read.

Memory short story: Chapter 2

Chapter 1: Meet the woman who came to consciousness and remembers nothing of her life.

Photo by Ky

Chapter 2:

The doctors say I'm fine. No head injury, no trauma -- except for that of not remember who I am, of course -- and no physical reason for my lack of memory. It's been 2 days now with no change.  This is what they know. It does not help me.

My husband, as he assures me he is, seems relieved. I'm not, so I don't know how it has calmed him so well. He thinks I will quickly come around if he tells me stories of our lives together. They are lovely stories, but are much like listening to someone talk about a complete stranger. Just anecdotal.

The little girl bothers me the most. She stares up at me with the most stunning green eyes -- the same ones I see when I look in a mirror -- and waits for me to remember her. To love her. Those eyes haunt me. The eyes of the little girl, hurt beyond words, who only wants her mother to know her.

I have no idea who I am. I know certain facts about myself now -- my name is "Karen", my husband is "Steve", and I've been married for 7 years.  Apparently, I'm 35 and a Gemini.

Again, this does not help me.

None of this information helps to quell the panic I am working so hard to hide from everyone. I want to scream, "Yes, I'm right handed and know the words to the national anthem, but WHO am I?"

The man... sorry, Steven, my husband, says I went out to run errands early that morning. We both had the day off so he and the little girl "Julianna" were having a father/daughter fun day while I got groceries. I returned hours later with no groceries and no memory.

All I can think of is: Which came first? Forgetting the groceries or myself?

I have no doubt what they are telling me is true.  The girl's eyes alone could convince me of that. However, I don't know what to do with this information.  I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how.  How to look at the man -- Steven -- and see his hope and longing. How to look at that little girl who breaks my heart.

I thought when people lost their memories they retained their feelings. Like I would instinctively know I was a mother and be able to pick my child out based solely on the love I could feel for that child alone.  This isn't the case, apparently. I cannot do that. I cannot pull the memories of my daughter from the depths of my heart. This is the most agonizing.

I didn't know I could forget love.


Next up:
Chapter 3:
Karen struggles to adapt to "normal" life while the rest of the world goes on.

Review: Futuristic badass Sirantha Jax -- Fiction Friday

It's not often I pick up a futurist sic-fi book. Unless it's a young adult distopian novel, I have passed right by them. However, this series took me for a journey into the mind of Ann Aguirre and deep space the likes of which I had only seen in shows like Battlestar Galactica and Firefly.

In fact, that's what this series reminded me of.  The premise is that space can be navigated quicker through the minds of a special few who can "jump" ships through portals. But that isn't what caught me. It was the character, Sirantha.

via Amazon

Few female characters are strong enough to make me really wish I was them. Few grow in the course of a series so that you wouldn't even recognize them from the first book except that you were there. That is Sirantha Jax. She is funny, irreverent, sassy, sexy, and too much fun.

Until she and her longterm boyfriend pilot a ship that wrecks carrying all the dignitaries of the known worlds. One that kills everyone on board but for her.  She is being charged for the "crime" and kept in solitary. She changes after that and continues to do so.

A band of misfit renegades rescue her and the fun begins. She's met her match in a damaged man of few words and they go on adventures worthy of The Enterprise.

There are 6 books in this series and it wasn't until I finished the last one that I realized I had no more to read. I was heartbroken. I needed to prepare myself there would no longer be this amazing world of multiple planets, aliens shaped like praying mantii (that would be oddly attractive by the end) and a camaraderie only found in war between soldiers.

By the end, Sirantha is a new woman and so was I. I felt I had been in every flight, every battle, every amazingly lush scene of new worlds.

I still miss it.


Check it out at Amazon.ca

No memory: Fiction Friday

This is not part of the Spinster House story. It is a starter piece I wrote for an online class I am taking. I hope you like it.

When I woke up, I was driving. The street in front of me was sparsely populated with other cars and drivers -- all who seemed not to notice I had just come to consciousness. I had not been and suddenly I was.

The yellow line of the road slid under the front corner of my car as it always did, disappearing only to reappear in the rear view mirror later.  The cars to the side of me appeared to be travelling backwards as I remained still, but I knew (somehow) they were parked and I was moving steadily forward.

It is quite disconcertion to arrive anywhere when you have no memory of getting there, but it feels especially dangerous while driving a one ton vehicle. Add to that I had no idea where I was going and I was about to panic. Hands at 10 and 2, I breathed deeply and searched my mind for something.

I had to take stock of the situation. I obviously knew how to drive - the motion of the car, the traffic, lights, and stop signs came to me without thinking. I continued along the same road as though that was my intentional direction. I assumed I had pointed myself that way for a reason, so that way I went.

The car was neatly lived in and in good condition. It appeared to be small SUV with a thin layer of dust covering the dash and random bits of someone's life tucked here and there. An empty take-out coffee cup sat in the holder, a stray receipt, and a pair of sunglasses.

I was overcome with an additional panic when I glanced in the rear view mirror again and noticed a child's booster seat strapped in behind the passenger seat.  My heart nearly stopped and my breathing definitely did.

I wasn't sure if the vehicle was even mine. If not, I had taken a car from a parent. If so, it was my car and that was even worse. Where was my child? Did I even have a child? I'm a parent??

As I pondered my impending motherhood, the GPS spoke out filling the silent vehicle with it's feminine voice. "Turn left in 50 metres."

I was glad someone knew where I was going.

Though I was hesitant to follow a disembodied voice, I seemed to be a rule follower as I turned obediently and followed the road for a short time before she announced (in her superior knowledge) I had arrived at my destination.

I pulled into the drive of a two story family home. White shutters encased large windows and complimented the soft yellow siding. A white porch circled the side of the house and disappeared from view. Two rocking chairs sat near a small table as though inviting friends to sit and get comfortable.

Off of the drive was a small red tricycle laying down in the grass. It seemed to be abandoned in a great hurry by a small person off in search of a grand adventure. My heart gripped in fear and I steadied myself again.

I heard a knock at the car window. Dark eyes of a handsome man stared at me questioningly. Beside him was a little girl with the same eyes and a streak of mud across her cheek. He cocked his head to the side and asked "Babe, are you coming inside?"

Next up:
Chapter 2:
Karen discovers who she is and how much not remembering can hurt those around her.

Journal excerpt - Hope meets Zoe: Fiction Friday

Start at the beginning of the story - The House - or read the last chapter - Anna's Decision - before you continue on.

Hope's Journal

Sept 21, 1979

It's been a whirlwind few weeks. I've met a new friend and started one of those great possibilities I had considered. It is serendipitous how things turn out when we least expect it.

I was sitting on the back lawn at the factory enjoying a beautiful fall day. I had my travel blanket to ward off a chill, a good book, and a thermos of tea. I was perfectly relaxed and going about my day. Suddenly, a strange young woman plopped down on my blanket and started talking.

She was definitely not from our town. She was dressed in men's clothing - complete with vest and tie. I had seen the outfit in a recent movie "Annie Hall" and it looked as though she had stepped from the screen into my life. Her hair was long and a bit unruly, but she didn't seem to care. I took like to her instantly.

"Hi I'm Zoe! I saw you sitting here and decided we would have to friends. I knew I would find someone today with my love of books and here you are. Right on!" she leaned back, grinning, and took a handful of nuts I had sitting beside me.

She was easy to talk to and by the end of my lunch hour, we were fast friends. She had moved from the "big city" to a place where "life could be enjoyed!" and said she knew she would find her life here the moment the bus pulled in. It was so refreshing to be with someone who took life for all it was worth and didn't worry about where it was leading her.

Over the next few days, we met up regularly and talked about everything. Zoe said she had a bit of money set aside for "her big start" and that she had plans to open a shop. I was thrilled by that and admitted my secret plans for someone along the same lines. She told me she knew that and she was here to help me "loosen up a bit and put it on the line". She certainly has a way with words.

She's not wrong though, I needed someone to help me put it all into motion. Within a week, we had gone to the bank to make sure we had enough money to start a business and were looking at rental sites for our shop. Together, we came up with the idea for our shop. Zoe said she was always finding neat knickknacks and wanted to be able to share them with the world. I had always loved books and wanted to be surrounded by them as much as I could. By combining our loves and talents, we came up with "Books and Ends" - a bookstore that sold like minded souvenirs. Even the bank manager, Mr Flaherty, loved the idea. However, it helps he was once my father's dearest friend.

We found the perfect location in a lovely brick storefront. If everything works out right, we should be open after Thanksgiving in time for Christmas sales. For the first time, I feel like I have a life that is mine and I'm where I am meant to be. What could be greater?

Anna's decision: Fiction Friday

Previous chapters in the story of the Spinster house: The House, The Couple, Another meeting, The Shop, Anna's last year, The Disastrous Betrayal, Hope's Journal, Persistence and Considering the Possibilities.

"Have you thought of what you'd like to do to fix up the house?" Kade asked while he walked Anna back to the shop. They had just finished a quick lunch at the diner and Anna was anxious to get back to relieve Zoe at the shop.

"I guess I had thought of some things I wanted to do with it, but wasn't sure where to start. Do you have some ideas?" Anna considered Kade's handiness and constant availability. Being the local handy-man and Jack-of-all-trades could not be a lucrative career choice. Maybe she could throw some work his way. It would help her with getting the house ready for winter and would help him out at the same time.

Kade gave her question some thought before answering. "I think the windows are going to need replacing within a year or two. For sure the sills need a coat of paint, but that's just cosmetic. The roof could use a closer look too before winter hits. I can take a look next week and make you a list."

"That would be great. Thanks. I appreciate the help" Anna stopped as they reached the shop door, knowing that Kade would open it for her. She didn't usually like that sort of thing, but he seemed to do it for everyone, so she wouldn't make a big deal out of it. "Talk to you later" she said as he carried on his way.

Zoe looked at the closing door knowingly. "It seems things are going well between you two! I knew it!" She grinned at Anna.

"Zoe, you know it's not like that. We're friends. I don't know many people and he's nice and we get along. It doesn't have to be more than that." Anna put her coat away and started working on shelving a new order of books. "You have a need to match make that doesn't take in to consideration the parties lack of romantic interest!"

Anna had to smile as Zoe let out a huge laugh at her comment. "You got me there, dear girl! But Kade doesn't need more friends. He needs someone who will be with him for the long haul. So do you!"

Anna shook her head and went back to work. She knew Zoe had good intentions, if an over-exuberant way of going about her benevolent work.  Anna told herself she wasn't ready for a relationship and everyone would just have to accept that. She wouldn't make the mistake of trusting someone with her heart for a long long time. If that meant she couldn't have Kade as a friend, she would have to figure something else out.

Considering the possibilities: Fiction Friday

The story of the Spinster house: The House, The Couple, Another meeting, The Shop, Anna's last year, The Disastrous Betrayal, Hope's Journal and Persistence.

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Surprisingly enough, the arranged lunch date between Kade and Anna went well. They laughed about Zoe's forcefulness, they ate the local diner special, and they talked.  It was easy and fun, so Anna gave it little thought.  After all, she didn't know a lot of people in town -- any friend was a good friend.

The next week or two continued on much in the same way.

Zoe created reasons she needed Kade to come by the shop or he dropped in touring coffees or just to chat on his way elsewhere.  Anna got into her own rhythm of working in the shop, working on the house, and getting to know the little town again.  Trouble also settled into the routine, often accompanying Anna to the shop and only being chased once or twice daily for chewing on something he wasn't supposed to.

Anna was content. For the first time in awhile.

She had started organizing the financial side of the shop.  Receipts were starting to be copied, labelled, and filed instead of landing in a box beside the desk.  Anna noticed happily that her aunt Hope had been as fastidious as she was so the books weren't entirely a mess.  She thought she would be able to get them entirely in order before the end of the year.

Thinking of her aunt again made her reach for the journal.  It sat quietly on the side table by Anna's favourite chair in the living room waiting for Anna to pick it up and get immersed again in Hope's tale.  It was proving to be an easy task and Anna often had to keep herself from reaching for it when she needed to be working.

Sept 5, 1979

I have started searching for my future. One would think it was an easier task than it has come to be. I remain working at the factory for now as it is a steady income and I have time to consider my options. I have many people there who have become my friends over the years and I would be sad to let them go from my daily life just yet.  However, as always, I find myself just on the outskirts of them all -- as though they know I do not quite fit and so do not try to force me to do so.

I have a small amount of savings put aside now. With Martin's scholarships and rather modest living arrangements, I have expendable cash for the first time in memory.  I have considered what I should invest in as I know this is my opportunity.  The economy is growing and seems fit to continue to do so. I believe I would like to be part of that.  There is a space in a building just off main street that is longing to become something.  It seems reasonably priced, so I could look into it if I choose.

I would like to be a shop owner I think.  A place where people can come, be comfortable, sit and visit, poke around, and return time and time again to seek out new treasures. A book store would be lovely.  Or a shop with little pieces of arts and crafts to decorate with.  Oh the possibilities!! 

I won't rush in to anything.  If my life has taught me anything at all, it is to take my time and consider the options. I am just pleasantly pleased the options are so enjoyable. 


Next chapter: Anna's Decision

My book report: The Fault in Our Stars

It's been a long time since I have done a book report. However, this book is worth staying up all night researching things, organizing my recipe cards of information, and colouring in my title page.

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

Have you ever read a book so powerful it made you feel as though there was nothing more than that book? That the pain and honesty and heartbreak of it was more than you could physically bear?

That is this book.

It is story about teens who meet through a cancer-supoport group and face all the horrors of cancer all while facing the worse horrors of teenage-dom.  It is a widely agreed upon fact that children should not have cancer. Cancer, if it has to happen at all, should be for people who have experienced things already, who have lived and loved and travelled. You shouldn't get your first cancer treatment before your first kiss.

Cancer is one of those words whispered when spoken. It always makes me think of the scene from St. Elmo's Fire when the mother keeps whispering words she finds scandalous: "cancer" and "prison" hiss from her mouth like the words themselves are poisonous.

This book not only talks about cancer, but about how it feels to have it and be left physically and emotionally altered for the rest of your life which might just be miserably short. It's about being a teenager and experiencing things teens experience which would be completely normal except that it's tempered with being terminal or even in remission.  You can't just be teen depressed or teen in love, it all has bigger meaning.

And yet, the book isn't even really about cancer. It's about finding out what is in the world, experiencing things in the world you should get to experience, and also the reality of the world versus our expectations of it. About our heroes, how we think they "get" us and yet, they too are just people who can disappoint. About how we can find it all and how short that "all" can last.

It's about how life just isn't effing fair.

This book is all that and more. I imagine it is different for every person who reads it. It is different for me experiencing it as someone who lost her mother to cancer. It would likely be different if I had read it as a teen versus an adult. It would likely be different for everyone.

When I finished this book, I sat and sobbed. I sobbed for the raw emotion it brought forth and the unfairness of life. I sobbed because it was an amazing book that I could never read for the first time again. I sobbed because I could never write anything as beautiful and as painful.

I wish I had never read it because no other book will be as good.  And that is why I normally stick with trashy romance.

Persistance: Fiction Friday

The story of the Spinster house: The House, The Couple, Another meeting, The Shop, Anna's last year, The Disastrous Betrayal and Hope's Journal.
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In the two weeks following, Anna became settled in her new life.  She spent most days at the shop learning the business.  It was less and less painful to be there in the presence of her aunt's life work and best friend, Zoe. Zoe ceased to be tearful each time she time she picked up something Hope had once also picked up, which made the atmosphere relaxed and fun.

Anna was on the sliding ladder arranging part of the new shipment onto the top shelves when the bell above the door chimed.  Anna leaned to put the last book onto the shelf with the other assortments of coffee table books about owls.  She looked to the door to see Kade enter the room. At that moment, she leaned a little too far to the side and lost her balance.

It wasn't a far distance to the floor, but even still Anna braced herself for the jarring land. She was surprised to feel two hands grab her by the arms before she made contact and she landed relatively softly compared to what she thought was going to happen.

"I always seem to be finding you about to injure yourself. Have you noticed that?"

Anna stared up at Kade who hadn't released her arms yet. "That is true. However, there are numerous times a day you aren't around that I also end up injured, so it might not be you. Percentage wise, most interactions with me are about saving me from myself."  She backed up and dusted her pants needlessly from invisable specks of dust. "I do appreciate the help on that one though. My ankles also thank you."

"Any time." Kade stood back, hands in his pockets and looked at Anna. It became uncomfortable rather quickly and Anna searched her mind for something to say.

"So, can I help you with anything? Books by Russian novelists? A statue of a cowboy?" she rambled.

Kade laughed. "Actually I'm here to fix the light fixture in the back room. Zoe called to say it wasn't working well. But, I'm flattered you think I would understand Russian novels. Not so flattered you think I decorate in cowboy."

"Oh! The light. Yeah, it's being very strange. Sometimes it turns on, sometimes it doesn't. I haven't figured out why, but I'm hoping it's something electrical and not something that can't be fixed."

Anna led the way to the back room and left Kade to his work.  When she got back to the front, Zoe had appeared from wherever she had been hiding. She had a mischievous grin on her face.

"You saw Kane? I asked him here."

"Yes, I saw him. He's fixing the light in the back room."

"No. He' not. Well, he will try, but there is no fixing that light. It's our ghost, George. Sometimes he wants a light on. Sometimes he doesn't." Zoe continued, "I brought Kane here so you can get to know him. So you can date him. Hope wanted you to have someone nice."

Anna paused a moment. Zoe did not know about her disastrous relationship and the real reason she left the firm. "I'm not really looking for anything right now, Zoe. And, I'm sure, Kade isn't interested."

"He will be! You're wonderful. You will be just fine. Hope and I talked about it once. You don't need a man, I know, but they are handy to have around." Zoe winked and Anna shuddered a little at the thought of how Zoe and Hope would find a man handy. They were both too much like a mom for that thought to sit well.

Kane came out from the back with a tool box Anna had not noticed before. "I tried my best to fix that light. It seems to be working fine though. If it causes any more trouble, feel free to call again."

"Kane, you should take Anna out for lunch. It is almost lunch time. Don't you think you would both like to have lunch?" Zoe had very little in the way of tact. Anna cringed inwardly.

"Zoe! You can't just boss Kade around like that! I'm sure he has plans. Or better things to do. Right?" Anna looked beseechingly at Kade to help avoid the completely conspicuous attempt at matchmaking.

"Actually, I have nothing planned and would be happy to have you join me for lunch. Let me put these tools away and I will take you over to Stucky's. My treat. What a great idea, Zoe. Will you join us?" Kade winked at Zoe, letting her know he was on to her plan.

Zoe was not fazed at all. "I couldn't possibly. I have much to do. You two go and have a wonderful time." Kade nodded and took the tools out to his truck.

"What did you do, Zoe?" Anna asked, surrendered. "What did you do?"

Zoe just smiled her mischievous smile.

Next: Considering the possibilities

Hope's Journal: Fiction Friday

The story of the Spinster house: The House, The Couple, Another meeting, The Shop, Anna's last year and The Disastrous Betrayal. 


Chapter 6: Hope's Journal

Anna shook herself out of her revelry as the kettle whistled. She realized her heart was beating rapidly and her hand ached from clutching the journal she held in her hand. Trouble was scratching at the back door to be let back inside and Anna knew she had been standing there, lost in painful thought for who knows how long.

Letting the dog back into the house and setting the tea to steep, Anna took a better look at the journal that belonged her aunt. Fitting easily into her hands, the leather was soft and supple, like a well loved book should be. It was simple, brown and gold, with no writing or embellishment on the cover.

Anna couldn't resist.

Pouring herself a cup of tea, Anna wandered into the sitting room and made herself comfortable on the older style love seat that had been left behind. She tucked her bare feet underneath herself, arranged the pillows behind her, and settled in. Trouble jumped up, made room for himself on top of one of her well-placed pillows and contentedly began chewing a rawhide.  Anna smiled, shifted to make more room, and steeled herself.

Slowly, as though knowing it was a moment she should savour, Anna opened the journal.  There was no pomp or circumstance, the words just began.


August 23, 1979
I turned 28 today. It's official, I'm no longer a young woman. I suppose that is truer than I would like to admit as I feel much older than 28. I have already lived so much more than my years. I have taken over as the adult in our home, finished raising my siblings, and put my youth on hold. I should have realized it would not wait for me to claim it again.

Martin has graduated high school now. Nineteen and full of bravery and knowledge. I am all at once proud of him and chortling at his assurances that he has learned everything. He is so amusing in his sincerity. I cannot wait for him to mature into the man he has shown glimpses of becoming. He has left for college now, the last one to leave the house, and I find I am alone for the first time in 10 years.

I did not realize how quiet and loud this house could be.

It has been 10 years next month since our parents died. 10 years since I came home from my first week of college to both mourn and move on. I find this year has been as sad as the first year. I find myself thinking "It has been a decade since my mother played the violin. A decade since..." Melancholy ridiculous, I need to smarten up about.

I have had a remarkable 10 years. I have watched my siblings grow. I have seen them all enter college and begin their lives. I have played and laughed, sang and cried, worked and loved. My sisters! How proud I am of them. The first women in our family to graduate, get degrees, and become real career women. The first women to prove what women have been saying all along - we are strong and capable! Francie with her poetry and love of literature - a teacher now. Cynthia and her love of order and sharing knowledge with everyone doing just that as a librarian. 

Then there is me. I am here. I'm at a moment in my life where everything I do can (could?) be something spectacular. Something important. 

I wish I knew what to do with that potential. It's quite paralyzing, really.

Next: Zoe is Persistant

The Disastrous Betrayal - Fiction Friday (on Saturday)

The story of the Spinster house: The House, The Couple, Another meeting, The Shop and Anna's last year.

Anna's Last Year - Part II: The Disastrous Betrayal

Richard's bellow reverberated through the offices and down the hall where Anna was filling her "I heart dog kisses" coffee mug.  She had never heard him yell, let alone in the office, and let alone her name.

She set her mug down n the counter and turned.  None of her movements were hurried, but she was soon heading back down towards Richard's office closer to the back of the floor.  Anna cast a quick look at a few co-workers with a raised brow as if to say "Do you know what's going on?" but each of them met her eyes with confusion.

Even as Richard's legal assistant, it was unprofessional for him to bellow at her. As Richard's girlfriend, it was inexcusable.  Anna stopped in the entryway to his office as his secretary, Rhonda, slipped by her with her head down and eyes glued to the floor.

Richard appeared uncommonly frazzled. His otherwise impeccable suit was disheveled and his tie was askew. Anna entered the office and asked "What is it, Richard?"

He looked up, tension marring his handsome face and spewed "I can't find it!" He grasped a large file in one hand while he pushed through piles of paper with the other.  His normal calm demeanour gone, he continued. "It was here.  The Jones file was here yesterday and now it is gone. I have to be in a meeting with them in 20 minutes.  Rhonda can't find it. I can't find it."

Anna knew how important the Jones file was for Richard's career.  She had helped him research and gather documents for weeks in preparation for today. In fact, she had made sure it was all in place the night before she went home.  Anna stepped closer to the desk and to calmly go through where he had seen the documents last.

Richard spun to face her, "What did you do with them? I know you had them last. You've always been so damn jealous of my career. You knew what this would do to me!" Anna sputtered at the accusal. Richard picked up his office phone and ordered security to come to his office.

"I want you out of here. Now. Go pack you things. I knew I could never trust you."

That was how Anna got to the place of walking down the long hallway to the elevator flanked by security.  She waited to let the tears fall until she was safely behind the doors of the elevator. She felt stunned by the accusal that she would have done something wrong, but also by the change in Richard's demeanor. He hadn't even allowed her to speak!

Anna got into her car and drove towards her condo. She would give him time to cool down, she decided.  Time to find the files, realize she had nothing to do with them missing, and to come to her and apologize.  She would wait for him to come to his senses.

She waited a week. All she received was a termination letter and her last paycheque.

It was over.

Next: Hope's Journal

Anna's last year: Fiction Friday

The story of the Spinster house: The House, The Couple, Another meeting and The Shop. 

Chapter 4: Anna's last year (Part I)

When Anna got back to the house, she was ready for a little alone time.  Spending time with Zoe was fantastic, but being reminded of her Aunt Hope was weighing on her.  Anna still felt guilty for not coming to help when Hope called.  She knew Hope had understood, but her illness and subsequent death followed so quickly afterward that Anna could not help but feel responsible.

Anna was greeted at the door by a wiggly Trouble clutching a ragged stuffed monkey in his mouth.  His entire body shook with joy at having Anna back again as though he had been without her for years rather than mere hours.  He turned his head away from her as she reached for his toy. Trouble never wanted her to play with the monkey, he just wanted to show it to her so she knew she was accepted with his prized possessions.

Soon Trouble was wiggling for another reason.  Putting her purse down, she walked through the house to the back door where she would let him into the yard.  He set his monkey down gingerly by the step and raced outside as though experiencing freedom for the first time.  Trouble was a blur of black fur as he ran from corner to corner of the yard barking at squirrels and letting his presence be known.

Anna smiled and turned back to the kitchen.  She started the kettle for tea and went back to the entry way to retrieve her purse.  On the way, she looked about the house which was half unpacked and still a mess of opened boxes. Though she was starting to feel more settled here - in The Spinster House, she thought wryly - she was instantly reminded of the reason she came back.

*********
2 months prior

The box weighed her down despite having very little in it but for an African violet, a silver framed picture of herself and her sisters, and her ceramic coffee cup in the shape of a dog. Gravity pulled the box further into her arms as she walked slowly down the hallway that seemed to stretch endlessly before her.

Coworkers watched in silence as security walked just behind her as policy dictated. They glanced away quickly as Anna met their eyes, her head held high despite the overwhelming feelings swirling around her mind. Disbelief warred with panic and shame for top contender as she left the office of her dreams for the last time.

Anna had known getting involved with her boss was a bad idea. He was too handsome, too suave, and too influential on her career.  However, he was relentless and soon she agreed to have dinner with him. She was pleasantly surprised by their easy conversation and the smooth transition into a real relationship.  Six months in, Anna was head over heels and assumed Richard was as well.

He had certainly acted the part. Gifts, flowers, fancy suppers, and late night phone calls.  She had even met his parents on more than one occasion.  Any worry she had of problems at the office was gently deflected by elegant words and assurances.  Anna may have been his legal assistant, but Richard was a professional and an up-and-coming lawyer in line for partnership, he wouldn't do anything to jeopardize either of their careers.

When Aunt Hope had called and requested Anna come back to run the shop, Anna was happily in love and at the top of her career. She was respected, adored, and working 60 hour weeks.  Anna thought she had made the right decision until the week that blew everything apart.

Who knew one legal document misplaced would ruin a career, a relationship, and a future proposal?

Next: The Disastrous Betrayal

The shop - Fiction Friday

The story of the Spinster house began here, here, and here. 

Chapter 3: The Shop

Anna stopped on the sidewalk in front of the line of little brick shops. She breathed in deeply as though inhaling memories of times she had been in the same place before.  Each summer she had been lucky enough to spend with her aunts, she had been drawn to the shop despite the sunny weather tempting her to play.

It was all hers now.

Okay, not all hers.  She shared ownership with her aunt's best friend, Zoe. That suited Anna fine as she'd grown up with Zoe in the shop. It wouldn't be the same without her.  Her vibrancy and off-beat personality made everyone around her that much better.  And, for Anna, having Zoe there was like having a piece of her aunt with her.

Anna moved again slowly until she was in front of the store. A small, antique looking sign hung down from the steel rod protruding from the building. It simply read "Books and Ends" in a clean, simple script. Anna glanced into the window noting the display of books intermingled with small knick knacks the store was known for.  Beyond the display, Zoe looked up and a smile filled her face.

No backing out now, Anna thought.  She's seen me.

Anna pushed open the heavy oak door with a ping as the top scraped by the bell suspended above.  Zoe had made her way to the door by that time and flung herself into Anna's arms.

Well, more technically face first into Anna's boobs.  Zoe was about 5 feet tall to Anna's own nearly 6 feet.  However, despite her small nature, she was strong. Anna's ribs were squeezed tight in testament of that fact.

Zoe danced with joy as Anna returned the embrace.

"It is so good to see you finally! I wondered when you would come scope out the shop." Zoe swirled around, her floor-length, patchwork skirt flaring out around her. "What do you think? It's been awhile since you've visited!"

Zoe darted away to straighten up a shelf and turned to beam at Anna. "Hope would be so pleased you are finally here." Her eyes misted for a moment before her smile returned with a little waver. "It's not been the same the last few months."

Anna gently patted Zoe's shoulder in an effort to comfort the small woman. She didn't know what to say to make it easier. Anna blamed herself for much of what happened. If only she had visited more, she could have helped with the stress of the store and the house. If only she had returned when Hope first asked her, she could have saved herself the heartache she experienced in the last year, and she could have made her Aunt's last year easier.

Anna shook her head clear of the negative thoughts, "I'm sure it hasn't, but you've done a remarkable job with the store. It looks fantastic. You've expanded a bit haven't you?"

Again, Zoe became joyously animated. "We did! We put in a fancy coffee maker and made a couple of seating areas. Even one in the garden out back!"  Zoe nearly bounded across the room despite her chunky shoes, her long black hair swinging like a pendulum across her lower back. "This is my favourite spot! It was Hope's favourite armchair.  I put it here in the corner for people to curl up on and sit a spell."

Anna slowly wandered to the old wing chair and ran her hand over the faded material. She remembered spending many evenings nestled into pillows on the floor beside this chair while her aunt read aloud or sat quietly and knit.  The soft blue had dimmed over time, worn along the arms where her aunt's elbows had rested. It looked inviting, comfortable, and like home.  The matching stool sat off to the side ready to be pulled into action as a footstool or coffee table, whatever need arose.

Anna drifted through the store examining shelves of books and bric-a-brac that made up the store's inventory. Zoe and Hope had done a wonderful job of mixing curio with genre. Victorian tea cups accompanied books by Bronté, while exotic figurines decorated the shelves of the travel guides.

The entire store was treated more as a library. It was as though these two remarkable women had opened their homes and invited you to peruse their collections and take what you liked home with you - all for a reasonable price.  Nothing was overcrowded or overwhelming. Every aisle and shelf encouraged you to settle in, get comfortable, and find a new passion.

Zoe bustled about the store chatting about the changes she had made to the store in the last few years.  Suddenly, she gasp in surprise and exclaimed, "I forgot! Hope left something for you. I will get it right away."  She darted off - a blur of skirt and flowing hair - to the back of the store where the small office was located.  When she returned, she proudly held in front of her a leather bound tome.

"Hope left you this. It was her journal. She said it would 'Help you find your way.' I promised her I would give it to you if - when - you came home."

Next: Anna's last year

***************
Note: some of the details have changed from the last chapter and will continue to change as the need arises. Try not to be alarmed. Initially Hope was going to be a social worker, but I loved the idea of this bookstore too much not to go with it. 

Also, Zoe is loosely based on a dear friend of mine. She is one of the most cheerful, unconventional women I know. One time, on Halloween, she arrived at my house in a broomstick skirt, a pirate shirt, and clunky shoes. It was the greatest ensemble I had seen. I asked if she had dressed up and she looked at me like I was insane. Nope, that was just what she was wearing that day. 


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Fiction Friday - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

As the box slipped through Anna's fingers, she shouted an incoherent curse and grasped at the edges for a better grip. As was her usual panache, this caused her to trip over her own feet and sprawl half across the box and the doorway.

"You look like you could use some help." A voice, with a trace of amusement, said from behind her. "Hopefully nothing in there was breakable?"

She sighed inwardly and blew her hair back from her face. She knew that voice.

"No, nothing is broken but my pride and my kneecap." She shifted to her knees and braced her arms on the box to haul herself up. She was nothing if not graceful, she thought. A hand came under her elbow and helped her to her feet. It was then she looked up at her helper.

"I’m hoping that both your pride and kneecap can be mended." Kade looked down at her as she wiped the dust and other unidentified ground particles from her jeans.

She couldn’t help but smile back at him even as she winced at the pain in her shin and the lasting mortification from the towel incident the day before. He had an infectious grin, she thought. Light brown eyes and an open face. Tall, she thought, which is always a bonus being that she nearly topped 6 feet herself. Brown hair, a little shaggy, with a lanky body and strong shoulders.

Hmmm. Strong shoulders.

"You look like you’re the kind of guy who couldn’t walk away from a woman in distress. Want to help me with the last few boxes?"

"Well, it wasn’t what I had in mind when I stepped out this morning, but I suppose I can help. Mind you, I didn’t think I’d rescue your dog yesterday either. It’s been a full week. However, watching you move the last one, I wonder how anything you own made it in one piece."

Anna threw her head back and laughed making quick strides back to the moving van. "I don’t settle for anything that isn’t hardy." She shot back over her shoulder.

"I can see that.  Where is your fine dog, Disaster, today?"  Kade followed close behind her, casting a look towards the open front door.

"After yesterday, I banished Troulble to the backyard when there is a chance he can run away or strip me naked."  As Anna listened to Kade chuckle she thought to herself that if she couldn’t erase the towel drop from existence, she could at least move on.  

He watched a moment as she stood at the door of the van, hand on her hip, contemplating the insides as though deciding which piece to do battle with next.

Kade chatted cheerfully as he hefted a box she pointed out to him.  He made his way back towards the house on the corner.  "I had wondered who was moving into the Spinster House. I am glad to see it being used again."

"I heard you say that before.  The Spinster House?"

"Yeah, that’s what it’s been known as for as long as I’ve been alive. Three of the nicest old ladies lived here for years until they couldn’t live alone any longer. The town librarian, my grade 12 English teacher, and the owner of the bookstore. I guess they were your aunties?"

They amicably moved boxes from the vehicle to the house while continuing their conversation.  Anna was impressed with how well they worked together.

"Yes, my father's sisters.  We spent a few summers with them, but my father travelled a lot so we didn't see them as often as we would have liked.  I didn't know much about their lives here."

"Word had it that all of them had a chance to get married, but chose not to or something terrible happened that prevented it. Then, of course, us kids all said the house was the reason. It’s cursed." Kade whispered with a wink.

"A cursed spinster house? That might change my desire to live here." Anna said facetiously. "Mind you, I don’t believe in curses, and I’m not looking for a husband, so I should be okay."

Kade hefted another large box. "I don't know. The rumour is now, the house will never be settled until three owners have found their true loves."

Anna shook her head in amused disbelief, "I think I will take my chances."  She shut the van door with finality, "Thanks for all your help though - physically and... accommodation wise. I best go rescue Trouble from the yard before he digs a hole to the neighbours!"

"Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you!"

Next: The shop

Fiction Friday: Chapter One - Kade and Anna meet

Spinster House Book 1 Chapter 1

The woman’s scream is what got his attention.

"TROUBLE!!!!!!!!!!"

Kade Johnson stopped what he was doing and listened. He wiped his hand across his forehead with his gloved hand, and started down the ladder where he’d been scraping paint off the window sill. If someone was screaming for trouble, the least he could do is see what it was all about. He walked across the grass and, as he stepped onto the street, came into direct contact with said trouble.

A bundle of energy and black fur slammed into Kade's legs and fell away. The energetic dog’s tongue hung out the side of his mouth, his ear flipped over the top of his head, and his eyes shone bright with mischief. Kade couldn't help but return the happy look to the dog whose tail was thumping madly and settled down on his own haunches to scratch the dog behind his flipped ear.

"Trouble! I swear I am going to…" A woman stopped dead in her tracks to stare at Kade and the still-vibrating-but-no-longer-running dog. Kade moved his attention from the dog and went to speak.

Nothing came out.

The woman standing before him was clad only in a towel. Her light brown hair dripped down around her shoulders and her feet were ensconced in plastic gardening shoes. She looked wet as a drowned cat and mad as a trapped badger. Apart from that, she was tall and pretty cute. Kade smiled in way of greeting. "This," he said gesturing to the black ball of energy, "would be yours?"

The woman began to look embarrassed. A red flush crept up her cheeks as she considered the situation. She was standing in a towel in front of a stranger. The woman stared at Kade mouth open and took the sight in. Kade knew what she saw. He was well over 6 feet tall, solidly built, wearing jeans with a worn tool belt slung across his hips.  He was also looking up at her from his squat as he scratched her dog while she wore only a towel. Flustered, she grabbed at the towel where it was joined above her breast and said the only thing she could in the situation.

"Trouble, I am going to shoot you."

Kade smothered a quick smirk and looked down at the dog. "He’s been causing some problems, I hear? At least, I assume he is the trouble you’re looking for."

The woman’s face softened at the comment and shook her head. "Yeah, he’s my trouble -- in name and in behaviour. I heard him escape the house as I was getting out of the shower. If I don’t catch him before he gets too far, he is tough to find and tougher to clean off. Thanks for catching him. I should get him home."

She leaned down to grab Trouble’s collar. At that moment, Trouble chose to jump up and give her kisses. He hooked one paw into her towel and another onto the side of her face. Trouble licked her face from one side to the other and dropped back to the ground, trying to take the towel with him. She shrieked, Trouble barked, and Kade laughed out loud.

"How about I bring him home for you?"

"Thanks. I think that’s a better idea. I live one block over."

Kade hooked Trouble around the middle and hauled him under one arm. Trouble weighed about 18 pounds but wiggled like he weighed 40. Kade readjusted his grip and stood up. "I’ll follow you."

The woman turned and headed up the block with Kade following and Trouble’s tail beating fast against his side. "Now, I seem to know Trouble’s name, but not yours. Considering I’m carrying your dog, we should likely amend that. I’m Kade."

"I’m Anna. Anna Ross." She swiped the wet hair off of her face and turned her green eyes to Kade. "I just moved into the neighbourhood yesterday. You’re the first person I've… met."

She led him up to a house on the corner and gestured. "This is my place. My sisters and I inherited it." Kade's eyes followed her direction to a simple cottage house. It had painted siding, a stone path, and little shrubs under the windows. It showed well the care it had received in its lifetime, but also was starting to look a bit weathered.

"You moved into Ms. Hope’s old place. I heard she had passed away last year. Didn't know who was going to move in. It’s a great little house."

"Thanks, I have always loved it. I didn't get a lot of chance to visit, but it holds good memories. It was owned by my aunts – my father’s sisters. The last of them, Aunt Hope, died early last Spring and they left the house to me and my sisters." Anna walked up the path to the house and opened the door. She motioned for Kade to put Trouble inside. He dropped Trouble on the step and ushered him through the door gently with his boot.

"There. Safe and Sound."

Anna brought the door almost to a close and they both watched as Trouble instead nosed his way through the curtains to look out at them longingly.

"For now. Until the next time he figures his way out. I love him, but he makes life interesting sometimes. Thanks for your help." Anna stuck a hand out to Kade. He took it in his and appreciated her grasp was solid and warm. Just like he thought she would be.

"Not a problem."

She entered the house and turned to close the door when Kade said to himself, "I always wondered who would be the ones to move into the Spinster House."

Her look of surprise told him she heard his mumble. In her bewilderment, she lost grip on both the door and her towel. Suddenly, it was Kade's turn to be startled.

Next: Chapter 2

The Spinster Cottage (a work of fiction)

To look at it, the small house on the corner was like any other house.  It was a small cottage style 2 story house built of stone and dark wood trim.  It sat a respectable way up the lot nestled between two trees, a handful of shrubs, and a neat little flower garden that took care of itself for the most part.  A wide stone path wound its way up to the doorstep unassuming in the short grass and looked for the life of it like it had been there since the beginning of time.  The lawn was neatly manicured, but not in the way that screams the owners have nothing better to do.  All in all, it was a cute house on a cute lot.

Upon closer inspection, you could see the window frames needed a bit of attention.  A small bit of chipped paint here and there gave that away.  The door was clean and sturdy, but also needed a coat of paint.  The cottage roof looked well used, but not in need of replacement just yet.  The stones showed some wear, but otherwise had held up fine. The house showed it had been well loved but also well-used.  A quaint, lovely, older house in need of some repair and life.

Why, you might ask, does the house itself matter?  A house is really just a house after all.  It's the family that makes it a home.  A family can be anywhere really. Well, yes, that is true. However, this house was the home of a special group of women with important stories and they created a family worth living in such a home.  This house took in a trio of women, housed them their whole adult lives, and then the house itself seemed to mourn when the ladies lived there no more.

The neighbours referred to the house as The Spinster Cottage and likely would regardless of who lived there.  The women who made that house a home were just that and the house worked out very well for them.  Three unmarried sisters in a 3 room cottage in a small town in a little state in a rather large world.  The house became an embodiment of those three women and the townsfolk regarded that home and those women as their own.

Little did the 3 unsuspecting women who would come to live in it know, the Spinster sisters' home would become an important part of their life too.

Next: Kade and Anna meet