I spend most of my time refusing to go to sleep rather than fighting to stay awake. My brain has decided that, time moves slower when I'm awake, and tomorrow will not come as quickly if I don't sleep.
My brain is an asshole.
That said, I spend evenings trying to entertain myself while hoping my body doesn't notice it's utterly exhausted. I read, I surf, I watch TV. Sometimes I nap, but usually only for an hour or two and then I'm wide awake again. When I do fall asleep, I fight waking up just as hard.
The problems with being a shift worker for 13+ years. Napping is the way of existing. Being awake is merely a necessity. Being asleep is a preference, but only if there is no pressure to get out of bed anytime soon.
I used to write. I published another website for many years. 7, to be exact. I've been offline that way for just over a year and I realized lately I have missed it.
I miss putting fingers to keyboard and letting my thoughts drift onto the screen. I miss having them leave me for someone else so they responsible for keeping the thoughts in line. I have tried to write not in public. I have journals started and abandoned. I have books completely mapped out only to have them never appear on page.
I decided it was time again. Time to write. Time to let those words flee from my fingers.
I'm not the same person I was. I'm stronger and sadder and happier and more content and more dissatisfied. Thus, I couldn't return to my last website. It will remain in existence (and some things may be re-published here) but that isn't me any more. Or at least not in full.
Will I tell anyone about this page? Likely. I've never been one for keeping a secret. Except from myself.