Self-care is not self-indulgence. Or, at least, not always.

Fall is a difficult time for a lot of us with mental health issues.  Of course, I don't have stats to back that up, but anecdotally, a lot of my friends have said the same thing. We struggle with the changing of the seasons.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love fall.

I can finally wear pants, cardigans, heavy boots, and cute scarves. I'm not inundated with boob sweat or swass. Also, everything is flavoured in pumpkin, and that's just exciting.

I love the cozy nights by the fire place and the crisp breezes and the colours of the leaves. What I don't like is the crippling depression and dread that sometimes goes with it.

So, it was fitting that on October 10th, the day set aside to discuss World Mental Health, I couldn't get out of bed.

It is no secret I have depression and anxiety issues.  I've joked about them time and time again.

I have written seriously about them too.

Depression, pain, and the lies they tell
When I jumped on the meditation bandwagon

With that in mind, I've been thinking a lot about self-care.

source

Self-care has recently become a bit of a catchphrase that has lost all meaning.  (Like saying "tartlet" too many times! source)

It seems to me that now it is all lithe blond girls on Instagram who take pictures of themselves with large glasses of wine and a hashtag of #lol #blessed #selfcare!

And, while I'm sure that is also true, that's not always helpful for most of us.

What is self-care?

Self-care may better be described as emotional health care.

It is taking care of one's self so as to be the healthiest, best version of you.  It's doing the things to make that happen and to be gentle with yourself when those things aren't an option.

The trouble we come across, as a society, is that we seem to have gotten lost in the line between being gentle with ourselves and giving in to our every whim in a guise of "self-care".

Some days, me staying in bed all day is the only thing I can do. In order to take care of what I need to that day, I can stay there and not feel guilty or lazy.  I just do it and know that tomorrow will be a different day.

The problem is when I'm on day 3 of staying in bed all day.

That is not self-care.  That is depression taking over.

At that point, self-care is bribing myself with pie if I get out of bed and take a shower.

It's all about balance.

But again, if I only eat pie for breakfast every day and then get myself that extra-large latte and treat myself to ice cream for lunch - for a week - that isn't self-care. That is over-indulgence and emotional eating.

Sometimes, self-care is doing things we don't want to do, but that are good for us.

We have to be the "parents" of our bodies and our health - both physical and mental.

Just like with real parents, we need boundaries, we need rules, but we also need to shuck those rules sometimes and go to the zoo.

Be good to yourselves.

TryPod: my "must-listen" podcasts

A couple of years ago I was looking for a new way to learn.  I needed to expand my knowledge, my mind, and my experiences, all from the comfort of my own home.  Books are great, yes, but I have made it a policy never to read anything that will teach me things on purpose*.

I also needed something I could do while walking, driving, and knitting.

Enter the podcast -- a short radio-type downloadable episode (**see technical definition below!)

My sisters and numerous other friends had been listening to podcasts for years by this point, but I am woefully behind the times.  I mean, I still haven't fully figured out Snapchat.

Now, I am so entrenched in the podcast world, I often start my sentences with, "I was listening to this thing yesterday..."  It has given me endless pieces of useless facts.

And you thought I had too many already!

I decided to share my favourites in hope I can spark someone else to expand their world.

The Way I Heard It

Host: Mike Rowe

I have watched Mike Rowe on Dirty Jobs and listened to him narrate The Deadliest Catch.  I liked his sense of humour and his calming voice.  So, when I found out there was a short podcast (usually 10 minutes max) where he tells you a clever story in a way you've never heard it before, I had to sign up.

You listen to his stories with rapt curiosity and then, at the end, he reveals the name of the person he is talking about.  It is clever and mind-blowing and I learn all sorts of things.

My favourite episodes are: The one where a songwriter bases his most famous song off the Morse Code for "dead" and the one of the most feared sniper in WWII.

History Chicks

Hosts: Beckett Graham and Susan Vollenweider

This was the first podcast I binged listened.

Friends and family will attest that for months, I talked of nothing else but these two women and the women they discussed.  I learned so much!

Listening, I really felt like I was sitting back with a glass of wine chatting with two friends about their fascination with amazing women of history.  Their tag line says it all for me: "Any resemblance to a boring old history lesson is purely coincidental."


My favourite episodes are so many I can hardly write them all down.  But I loved the one about Hatshepsut, the Egyptian Queen who decided she was a King; Molly Brown, the powerhouse woman who survived the Titanic sinking; and Dorothy Parker (Part I and Part II).  There are so many more, you will not be disappointed.  They even did a series on all the women who have run for President of the USA.

Criminal

Creators: Phoebe Judge (also the host) and Lauren Spohrer

I fell in love with two things about Criminal right off the bat: the soothing voice of host, Phoebe, and the completely different take on stories of crime.

In a world that is all about sensationalizing crime and the glamour or horror behind it, Criminal is thoughtfully done and respectful of the people involved as perpetrators and as victims.  It is the story of how crime occurs and the people it effects.

As for favourite episodes?  There's the one about a couple who put a Buddha in an empty lot to discourage garbage dumping and ended up turning around their neighbourhood.  There's the story of the police dog, Talon, who had to retire. For a third, there is a story about a woman who spent years searching for the bodies of two children she had never met.

It's not always easy to listen to, but there hasn't been a thing I've heard that wasn't fascinating and didn't change the way I see the world, so I think that's a pretty good thing.

Girls Girls

Hosts: Brittany Gibbons and Meredith Soleau

Warning: THIS IS NOT FOR THE FAINT OF HEART.  You will hear more cuss words and talk about sex things than you will ever need to hear in your life.

However.  If you ever want to hold your stomach and laugh so hard you pee a little, these are the girls for you.  They will talk about anything and everything with such openness you will forget to be shocked... and then you'll remember again.

As for favourite episodes, I don't think there is one that hasn't made me laugh so hard I snorted.  Sometimes, listening to Meredith's reaction to things has me wheezing in pain and laughter.

Again, this is not for my nice aunties or conservative friends.  If you listen and are horrified at the fact this is one of my favourite things on earth, I will just stare at you until you go away.

Episodes I love: We're all mad here -- the one about mental illness.  Panty Sniffers -- the one about people who sell their dirty underwear (honestly, I died at this one. I still laugh thinking about it.) Alternative sex facts -- the one where they discuss sex. (That's every episode).

They have more. Some I get weepy, some I am touched, and some I am so happy that someone is talking about things no one will talk about.  I like them a lot.



Now, this is a small list of the podcasts I must listen to as soon as they hit the internet.  Maybe I will share some more I love later on.  Maybe not. But here is a start for you.

You can listen to them on their webpages or you can subscribe to them via an app on your phone.  I started out using Podcast (the iPhone app) and now am happy with Overcast.  Check them out.  You won't regret it.
MayB



*Sadly, taking my Masters has done away with this policy.
** "Podcasts are similar to radio programs, but they are audio files. Listeners can play them at their convenience, using devices that have become more common than portable broadcast receivers." (Source)